IF I
COULD
GO BACK
An achingly compassionate and beautifully empathetic contemporary young adult novel exploring the intersections of race, mental health, and the meaning of family—perfect for fans of Robin Benway’s Far from the Tree and Jas Hammonds’ We Deserve Monuments.
For Aaliyah Campbell, family is everything. Her cousin Ivy is her best friend and track co-star, and Grandpa Joe is her rock. He may be crotchety and dramatic, but he’s raised Aaliyah since she was a toddler. Still, Aaliyah can’t stop thinking about what’s missing—her parents.
When Aaliyah secretly contacts her mom, she risks upsetting the family who’s always been there. But Grandpa Joe refuses to explain why her parents gave her up, and without answers, Aaliyah cannot silence the anxious voice telling her she’s never been good enough. Surprisingly, it isn’t Aaliyah’s mom, but her dad, Quincy, who steps up. Quincy turns out to be immature but surprisingly fun to hang out with. And when the rest of the family finds out they’re in contact, old secrets will finally be forced into the light.
Aaliyah Campbell is a champion for young Black girls coping with anxiety and depression, and a voice for all teens navigating the messy process of learning how to advocate for ones’ self. Through honest storytelling and a voice that oozes humor and heart, Briana Johnson’s memorable debut explores sensitive topics with authenticity and compassion.
“Keeping the peace between me and Grandpa Joe means me feeling incomplete and unworthy of love for the rest of my life. How is it fair that everyone else gets to be happy while I’m forced to be miserable, so I don’t make others feel the way I have for eighteen years? It isn’t fair. If you ask Grandpa Joe, he’d say that’s life. And maybe he’s right, but I don’t want it to be mine.”
BLURBS
"The story, which unfolds over the second half of Aaliyah’s senior year, is very quickly paced, sustaining readers’ interest, while offering deep characterization. A deeply emotional and complex novel that looks at how we define family."
Kirkus Reviews (starred review)
"If I Could Go Back is a poignant deep-dive into the messy intricacies of family—how they twist us up and push us down and lift us back up again. A stunning debut."
A.L. Graziadei
Award-winning author of Icebreaker
"Tender, powerful, and equal parts funny and poignant. This story of Aaliyah—a girl searching for belonging amidst abandonment—shines with hard-won hope. With remarkable writing and emotional depth, it explores the weight of generational wounds and the healing power of truth, love, and chosen family. A stunning exploration of what it means to bloom from broken roots."
Jay Coles
Critically acclaimed author of
Tyler Johnson Was Here
"A heartfelt debut about the uncertainty that goes hand-in-hand with growing up and moving forward. If I Could Go Back made me feel deeply for Aaliyah and gave me a stronger sense of compassion for both my teenage and present-day self."
Ciera Burch
Author of Out of Step, Into You
"If I Could Go Back will make a home in readers' hearts and minds for years to come. Briana Johnson captures with ease the delicate balancing act of choosing between yourself and your family. A relatable, realistic coming-of-age story with exceptional mental health representation."
Cassandra Newbould
Author of Things I’ll Never Say